October 29th 2026
The swan sanctuary did get back to me after all, and they’re going to arrange a meet-up in the near future to go over what’s expected of me.
In my mind, this is going to be the best of all my socialising options. I love a drama because it eliminates banter and small talk, which I just cannot do. There’ll be a clear topic of conversation, so that takes the pressure off me to think of things to say and then try to say them without my voice stammering, tripping over something or walking into a lamppost.
I wonder if my thinking will translate into reality? If I can do this, then not only will I be doing something useful and have something to get up for, but the limited human interaction will be perfect. There’s a WhatsApp group, and I can definitely chat on there. After that, it’s just a case of meeting other rescuers at Rescue Swan Point and saving the animal.
I mentioned before that I’ve spent years searching various groups for people like me who have absolutely no family and no friends.
Well, a month or so ago, I met that woman, and I actually met up with her again this week for the dreaded coffee and chat.
I nearly cancelled because I feel slightly intimidated by her. She seems successful and mentioned during our last meeting that she’d had a high-ranking job. This sort of thing always makes me feel even more inferior than I already do. On the other hand, I know she has no one and probably needs me, so I draw a bit of courage from that.
And the coffee and chat went well. This is what I did: before I arrived, I told myself I wasn’t going to make small talk. I was going to try to be myself (whoever that is) and talk about real things. And it sort of worked. I asked some fairly deep-ish questions, and she opened up to me.
We managed to get below that surface-level, boring, awful chat that I just cannot do.
And to be honest, I also felt a bit better when she told me she cannot work due to illness. I’m not sure if anyone else feels intimidated by go-getting buzzy people, but I do.
And I was thinking that for the first time in around twenty years, maybe I’d met someone I could be friends with.
Until…
I messaged her a few days later with this; “Hi J, hope you’re ok? X.”
Several hours later, she replied with: “Yes I’m ok thanks, hope you are too x.”
Notice she didn’t use my name and I got a lower case kiss?
So I am thinking that she didn’t like me as much as I need to be liked. I will not contact her again and if she messages me, I shall be cool in response – two can play that game.
And more rejection; I started a Facebook page where I could post silly memes relating to this avoidance thing. I’ve had the page for a week and no one is following me even though I’ve been chuckling at my own humour.
I’m just not popular but that is ok.