I do hope not because that comes with rollercoaster emotions on my part and I really don’t want the hassle.
But I’ve started laughing like a schoolgirl at his voicenotes. I like that he puts on accents and says silly things. I now even like it when he says “Aye”, which initially irritated me.
I know this is the fourth time I’ve written about him, but remember, I have little (nothing) else going on in my life (Oh I had an hour video call with a psychiatrist this week which was odd – maybe that’s my AvPD mind though; I can never tell really).
My online friend is quite protective and “manly” which attracts me. I told him about the Garage Guy, and my friend wasn’t impressed with Mr Snugglepants. Not in an “I want you for myself” kind of way, but more in a way where a guy looks out for women in general.
I’ve had two one hour sessions with psychiatrists – one on the phone and this recent one by video link. The recent one seemed surprised that the previous shrink didn’t diagnose me with some kind of attachment disorder. All I know is that when I am attracted to someone (rarely as I never meet anyone), they become my world to the point that I actually start taking on their likes and fitting my personality around what I think they want me to be.
I got over the previous irritation I wrote about where my new friend seemed to sulk because I made a comment about never meeting up. Now we are planning to go out and do things next year which I like the idea of and it will be interesting to see if I can at least form a friendship with him now that we have got to know each other a bit online.
One thing that has surprised me is that we spoke on the phone for two hours last week and I never felt bored like I usually do. He did suggest another call two days later but I said no because chatting still makes me a little tired. However, the fact that I quite enjoyed actually talking to him has given me a tiny bit of hope.
Maybe I feel more comfortable with my new male friend because we are both on a level. He has ADHD, I have AvPD. Neither of us has any family we are in contact with, and we both really need friends which for me is the most important factor when trying to create relationships (for me, not you).
He can talk to people and is confident in that way, but is currently fed up with socializing and has been isolating himself for several months now.
I don’t just think we’re on the same level – I think he actually needs me, which means he listens properly and doesn’t cut me off every five seconds like most people with functioning egos. And honestly, I’ve always found it easier to be friends with men anyway. So maybe it’s less ‘deep psychology’ and more figuring out which types of humans you can tolerate without wanting to lie down in the road.
Big test will be when we actually meet up IRL.