October 20th 2026
I’ve been living the lowlife this week.
I was out the front doing a bit of weeding when my neighbour’s hubby, who lives about ten houses down, walked past with his dog. His wife is the lady I went to the cinema with twice a couple of years ago, never to be seen again. I froze, hated every second of it, and obviously came across as a bit of a twat.
She caught me about a month ago and asked if I’d like a Red Hot Poker plant. I said, “Yes, thanks, that would be fab!” and never saw her again. So I ordered my own and planted them out the front as a little message to her.
But I thought I’d take things a bit further this week and see how she likes being sidelined. I know she’s interested in ghost hunts, as am I, even though I haven’t been to one in about ten years. So I made a point of telling her fella that I’d been to one the previous week. A complete lie, obviously, but I felt justified in telling it.
I offered to volunteer at the swan sanctuary but haven’t heard back from them either. I think it’s because, a couple of weeks ago, I was at the lake when they were there. I muttered a few words, and they must have thought, Bloody hell, what’s wrong with her?
She can’t string a sentence together, so how can she expect to make decisions in a crisis?
Fuck ’em.
Since then, I’ve been posting photos of swans they know, eating out of my hands and practically sitting on my lap.
Ha! They might surmise that I’m pretty useless, but at least I can go forth and prosper with the waterfowl.
The swans like me better than you, see?
Oh, and the lady who moved into the corner house last year? Went out of her way to befriend me, she did. Until she discovered how weird I am, and then it’s been, quick, run for the hills!
And I think she’s gone away, as her car isn’t there. But did I get a knock on the door? “Oh, Kate, I’m going away for a few days. Would you mind keeping an eye on the house for me?” Nooo! Of course not. Silly me. She owns her house, and I’m in social housing. A lowlife with zero social skills. Why on earth would she ask me?
Of course, I’ve lost myself in watching and reading things this week. I’m heavily into true crime and watched two good programmes on Netflix: The Widower: To Death Do Us Part (such a weird guy, and I should know!) and The Real Unforgotten. Worth a watch.