I Don't Like Talking -

I officially have traits of Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD), but I sometimes wonder: even if I didn’t, would I still find almost all conversation utterly boring?

AvPD means I live with a near constant fear of rejection. I struggle to be present in conversations because I’m so busy monitoring myself, rehearsing and performing. But even if I could quiet all that inner noise? I still think the conclusion would be the same:

I don’t like talking.

Not just because of fear or anxiety. But because… honestly, it’s just so boring.

Boredom Or Avoidance? The Plexiglass Problem

Most of the time, I feel like I’m watching life happen through a sheet of plexiglass. I’m here, technically, but unsure how to actually join in.

Then someone starts talking about the weather or the granite countertops they’re installing, and I disassociate so hard I practically time travel. Is that my avoidant brain short circuiting, or is it just the dullness of small talk?

Hard to say. But either way: I don’t like talking.

The Existential Question

For years, this was the riddle behind every strained interaction:
Was I avoiding people because I was scared of humiliation… or because I genuinely couldn’t endure another round of “So, what do you do?”

It doesn’t really matter. The result is the same. I don’t like talking and I doubt that’s going to change since I’ve been that way since I was 25 years old.

Social Exhaustion, AvPD Style

With AvPD, conversation isn’t just boring – it’s draining. Every minor interaction turns into a post-mortem:

Did I sound weird?
Was that the wrong tone?
Are they secretly disgusted by me?

It’s not just that I don’t like talking. It’s that talking requires an exhausting level of self surveillance. It feels like everyone else got the rulebook for how to be human, and I’m stuck improvising my lines, one awkward pause at a time.

Performance Over Presence

Socializing often feels like rehearsing a play I was forced into last minute. I’m not present; I’m performing. Trying to seem normal and trying to be liked. I’m trying to pass for someone who finds this interesting.

But deep down, I don’t like talking. Especially not when it’s just an exercise in masking discomfort with fake enthusiasm.

Even The Fun Stuff Feels Flat – Topics I Love, Formats I Don’t

True crime, the paranormal, life after death – these are topics I’m interested in. And yet, even when people want to talk about them, my enthusiasm fizzles.

Because the problem isn’t the subject matter, it’s the medium.

I don’t like talking, even about things I love. I’d rather absorb them on my own: reading, watching, observing. Conversation feels like the least efficient way to experience something I care about.

Pretending To Care (When I Don’t)

When I do make the effort to talk, I’m stuck mentally wrestling with how to seem engaged. I’m calculating responses, mimicking interest, trying to match the social energy around me. All the while, I’m dreaming of being home, book in hand, cats nearby, not pretending to be interested in someone’s kitchen backsplash.

When I Actually Feel Alive – The Joy Of Being Unselfconscious

There are moments when I don’t need to perform. Not during conversation, but in unpredictability and drama.

I quite often dance around the house to music like a maniac. I used to love rollercoasters and watching a table slide across the floor during a ghost hunt. That’s when I’m in the moment (not that I do those things anymore). I can scream and shout on a rollercoaster and “oh my god, how is that possible”, on a ghost hunt.

It’s because in those moments, I don’t have to think about what to say, because the drama is happening and it comes naturally. I don’t like talking, but I love feeling unselfconscious.

Give Me Adrenaline, Not Chit Chat

I might be a quiet kind of adrenaline junkie. I think I’m someone who craves a jolt of something to escape the monotony of everyday small talk.

Only then do I feel the switch flip – when I can laugh freely, react naturally, and stop overthinking. That’s the connection I crave. Not through words, but through shared experience, shared absurdity. And I do think this is because there’s no need to think about what to say; it just comes naturally.

What Real Connection Could Look Like

I don’t hate people. I just wish we could skip the weird social foreplay and land in that quiet, trusting place, where we’re already emotionally close and silently watching a great film with snacks.

But even then, if you are there with me, I’m immediately self conscious, wondering if I should say anything or not.

I want connection. I just don’t want to fake interest in a bunch of filler content to get there.

A Simple Truth

Maybe the real question isn’t:

“Am I avoidant or just bored?”

Maybe it’s:

“What would connection look like if I didn’t have to fake interest in things that don’t light me up?”

And maybe the answer is simpler than I’ve let myself believe:

I don’t like talking because I’m so nervous (and maybe I’m nervous because I’m bored) but also because I need a jolt of adrenaline to want to take any interest in anything.

Why Someone Might Avoid Talking Or Find Listening Incredibly Boring

Some people experience a chronic disinterest in talking or listening to others, often describing it as “so boring it’s unbearable.” This experience can have several psychological or neurological roots. When this behavior persists for years or decades, it may reflect a deeper, longstanding pattern rather than a temporary mood or personality quirk.

1. Schizoid Personality Traits

People with schizoid personality traits tend to prefer solitude and have little interest in social interaction. They often:

Feel emotionally self-sufficient
View social conversation as unnecessary or intrusive
Find emotional or small-talk-heavy conversations empty or irrelevant

This is not the same as being cold or uncaring; individuals with these traits often have rich inner lives and introspective depth. They simply don’t find interpersonal interaction stimulating or necessary.

2. Neurodivergence (Autism, ADHD, Sensory Processing Differences)

Certain neurodevelopmental conditions can cause intense disinterest or difficulty in conversation:

Autism Spectrum Disorder (ASD): Conversation may lack structure, relevance, or clarity, especially when focused on small talk. People on the spectrum may find conversations exhausting or meaningless unless they center on specific interests.

ADHD: Attention can drift quickly, especially during passive listening. People with ADHD may find it difficult to remain engaged in topics that don’t immediately stimulate them.

Sensory Processing Difficulties: For some, especially those with autism or auditory processing disorders, listening can be physically uncomfortable due to sensory overload or difficulty decoding spoken language.

3. Depression And Emotional Numbing

Long-term disinterest in people can also stem from chronic low mood or emotional flatness. Depression and related conditions can lead to:

A reduced ability to find pleasure in social interaction (anhedonia)
Emotional detachment or numbness
A sense of futility around human connection

Over time, people may become accustomed to avoiding social engagement, not out of active dislike, but because it simply no longer registers as meaningful or rewarding.

4. Avoidant Personality Disorder (AvPD) And Defensive Withdrawal

In some cases, people deeply fear rejection or judgment, and gradually disengage from socializing as a form of self protection. What begins as anxiety driven avoidance may evolve into apparent disinterest or boredom. This defense can become so ingrained that the emotional component – desire for connection – is buried or numbed out entirely.

5. Learned Detachment Or Emotional Neglect

A person who grew up in emotionally neglectful or invalidating environments may learn to disconnect as a survival strategy. Over time:

Boredom becomes a shield for disappointment, frustration, or loneliness.
Emotional distance feels safer than potential vulnerability.
Conversations feel like a burden or a demand rather than a mutual exchange.

This form of “defensive boredom” may mask underlying exhaustion, distrust, or resignation about connection.

Is There A Medical Name For This?

There isn’t one single diagnosis that explains lifelong disinterest in talking or listening, but it may fall under:

Schizoid Personality Disorder (or traits)
Avoidant Personality Disorder, particularly with emotional numbing
Autism Spectrum Disorder, especially in high-functioning or undiagnosed adults
Chronic depression or dysthymia
Complex PTSD, involving long-term emotional suppression or detachment

A Lifestyle Blog for the Socially Avoidant